I don’t know about you, but I feel like there is a huge disconnect between women and men during pregnancy. They just aren’t really on the same page. Now, I’m not saying that they both aren’t excited about their new child. I’m sure they absolutely are! It’s just difficult for men to really understand what women are going through. It’s difficult to understand something when they can never truly experience it themselves. Men trying to understand pregnancy is like women trying to understand what it feels like to get kicked in the balls. Our husbands can tell us how badly it hurts, but we will never really know just how badly it hurts because we can’t feel it. We can’t experience it.
That’s why it is so important to open up the lines of communication between men and women during pregnancy. There are so many things I wanted my husband to understand during my pregnancy. I desperately wanted him to understand what I was going through and why I was acting the way I was. He was kind, forgiving, and helpful during my pregnancy. However, there was still a huge disconnect. A lot of that is due to poor communication. I can’t expect him to automatically know what I’m going through if I don’t tell him. He can never experience pregnancy himself, so he is relying on me to explain my experience to him.
So, today I am going to share with you everything that I wished I hold told my husband during my pregnancy. I want to share with you all of the things I wish men were able to understand. My pregnancy may be over, but these statements can help open the lines of communication between many spouses who are pregnant right now. Plus, they will be a great reminder to me to share these things with my husband during my next pregnancy.
Pregnancy brain is real – I know that I am a forgetful mess during pregnancy. It’s not something that I am particularly proud of. However, this one really isn’t my fault. Research has shown that pregnancy does in fact effect a woman’s memory. Between the surge in hormone levels, the lack of sleep, and the change in priorities it’s no wonder pregnant women are suffering from momnesia. So, please forgive me when I forget where I put my keys for the third time in one day. It would be nice if I could have a little slack if I forget to pay the phone bill on time this month. I promise I really am trying my hardest to remember.
I feel self conscious – You may think that I look beautiful during pregnancy. However, I am struggling to see myself the way you see me. Let’s be honest, gaining weight kind of stinks no matter what the reason is. I’d love to pretend that because it’s for the baby that it doesn’t affect me, but it does. I secretly worry that I may never get my pre-baby body back. I worry that I may never look quite like the woman you fell in love with again. So, don’t be frustrated with me when I struggle to accept your compliments. Please don’t give up on me. The little compliments you give me do mean the world to me even if I struggle to believe them.
Being pregnant is scary – I try to put on a brave face, but at the end of the day I’m pretty darn nervous about this parenting thing. A lot of the fears that you are having I have too! I worry if we will make good parents, if we will be okay financially, and if our kids will be happy. That may seem like a lot to worry about, but I’ve got a fear that tops it all. I am scared of the pains of childbirth. I hope that I will be strong and be able to handle it. Hopefully, it isn’t as bad as many moms make it seem. So, just remember behind the brave face that I put on is your scared wife who needs you.
I am exhausted – Growing a human being from scratch is pretty hard work. I know I may seem like I’m being lazy at times. It can be frustrating to feel like you are doing it all. However, I promise I’m not being lazy. I want to help you, but I am unimaginably tired. It’s amazing how exhausting just getting ready in the morning can be when you’re pregnant. So, please bear with me. I’m doing the best I can. I want to help you. I wish I could do more. Soon, things will get a little easier on me. The morning sickness will get a little better and I will get used to my new tired state. I may not quite get back to my pre-pregancy energy, but I will get better.
I want you to be there – There are so many exciting things that happen during a pregnancy. The truth is, that I want you there for all of them. It doesn’t matter how small and insignificant these moments may seem. To me they mean the world and I want to experience them with you. I want you to attend as many prenatal visits as possible. This is especially true if there will be an ultrasound! I want you to help pick out the nursery colors and to set up the furniture. Your choices may not be the ones I choose, but it’s still nice to have your opinion. I may be the one physically carrying the baby, but it means the world to me when I can include you.
I wish you could bond with the baby the way I do – I know it must be difficult for you to feel like this baby is real. It’s easy for me. Every kick, nudge, and hiccup is a constant reminder of the life growing inside of me. There isn’t a stronger connection than between a mother and her child. However, I do wish I could share that connection with you. I want you to be able to feel every movement. I wish I could share some of my intense nesting hormones with you. It’s okay if you are struggling to feel the intense bond that I’m feeling right now. For you, that feeling will come when you hold our child for the first time. I wish you didn’t have to wait until then. So, I will do everything in my power to help you strengthen your bond until then.
I can’t wait to see you become a dad – You’re already an amazing husband to me. I’ve also seen you be an amazing brother, uncle, and son. However, now it’s time for you to take on you’re greatest role yet. It’s time for you to become a dad. I couldn’t be more excited. I know you will be an amazing protector for our children. The love you will have for them is indescribable. I can’t wait to see you step into your new role when you hold our child for the first time. I’m spending my pregnancy daydreaming of the moments you will share with our kids. It truly is beautiful to think about. I picture you teaching our kids to ride their bikes, reading them bedtime stories, and playing catch with them in the yard. You’re going to be an amazing dad. Our kids are so lucky.
My disinterest in sex has nothing to do with you – I know that it hurts you that I’m not interested in sex. I’m sure you feel like I’ve pushed you to the side. However, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Physically, I’m as a sick as a dog. It’s not fun throwing up constantly. Plus, it doesn’t make me feel very sexy. I’m also downright exhausted. I can barely work up the energy to get out of bed, let alone to have sex. I’m also struggling emotionally. I worry all the time about the baby growing inside of me. The doctors say sex is okay, but I still fear that it’s dangerous. So, please bear with me. One day I will want to try again. In the meantime, please know that my love for you is as strong as it has ever been.