Why I’m Scared to Have a Second Child

I have been suffering from baby fever since my daughter’s 5 month birthday. I desperately want to expand our family and bring another child into the world. What a blessing that would be! However, with all that excitement comes a few fears. Having another child will be life altering and that’s a little scary at times. Our life with our daughter is so perfect. So, I often think to myself why change it? Do I really want to mess with a good thing?

Deep in my heart I know that having more children is God’s plan for me. Anthony and I have always wanted a large family. We want our kids to grow up with siblings to love on and play with. As I often like to say – we want to have all the babies! So, I think it’s about time I face those fears I have. The best way for me to face them is to share them. Writing them out and admitting them can be so healing. So, today I am going to share those fears with you. Some of you may be facing the same fears I am. Others may have already overcome these fears themselves. I hope by opening up to you that these fears will be lifted off my heart. So, check out my post and share your fears or advice down in the comments below.

How will I handle taking care of two?

There are many days that I feel overwhelmed taking care of my daughter. Unfortunately, she hasn’t always been the easiest baby. She’s not even a year yet and we have already struggled with colic, allergies, reflux, flat head syndrome, and more. On top of those struggles we’ve also faced the same frustrations many parents face everyday. We’ve dealt with illness, teething, tantrums, and exhaustion. I love my daughter fiercely and we have so many wonderful days together. However, I’m only human. So, along with those good days come bad days. I’m not ashamed to admit I have days where I stare at the clock and count down the minutes until my husband will get home to help me out.

I often have moments where I question how I will handle two. If I get overwhelmed with one, how will I feel when I have multiple? Will I be able to take on a toddler and a baby? What will I do if baby number two is as high needs as my daughter was? Will I survive or will I crack under the pressure? These are questions that I constantly have running through my head. When my husband and I expand our family I want to be able to give both children the love, attention, and care that they deserve.

Is this the right time to have another child?

Another concern I have is when is the right time to have another child. The first factor I consider is the age gap. Should I have them close together and take on two under two? It would be nice to get all of the diapers done at once. Would a larger age gap be more ideal? My daughter may become very maternal and be my little helper. On the other hand, a larger age gap may prevent them from bonding. My brother and I were 5 years apart and didn’t become close until we were much older. Is there a perfect age gap or does it vary from family to family?

I also worry about the financial side of things. We desperately want to expand our family. However, I often worry about if we will be able to afford it. Having our daughter was more expensive than we had anticipated. It was difficult, but we were able to make it work. It will be wonderful to be able to use hand me downs from our daughter. A lot of her things are gender neutral which will make baby number two significantly more affordable. However, unforeseen expenses always seem to occur when it comes to children. Will we have enough saved? Right now I’m struggling with finding the right balance between waiting until I’m comfortable and waiting too long.

Will my daughter like having a sibling?

One of my biggest fears is that my daughter might not like having a sibling. I fear that she may feel resentful or jealous of the new baby. The last thing I want is for her to feel neglected. My brother and I weren’t close when we were little. I struggled significantly with having to share my parents. There was definitely some jealousy involved. So, my experience has absolutely added to this fear. I understand that every child is different and what I experienced she may not. However, I see a lot of myself in her and I don’t want her to feel the same way I did.

Olivia is so used to it just being her, her daddy, and I. She has all of our attention when we are together. As an only child she isn’t used to having to share us. So, I often wonder how she will react when we bring another child into our home. As all mothers know, newborn babies are quite needy. It won’t always be easy for us to balance taking care of a newborn and still making sure our daughter gets the attention she desires.

While I do have fear that my daughter won’t enjoy being a sibling, I also have hope that she will. She does go to daycare one morning a week and does absolutely wonderful there. I love seeing the big smile on her face when I drop her off. The love she has for other children warms my heart. So, at least I know she interacts well with others. However, during daycare she doesn’t have to share her mama. I know that part will be difficult for her. After all, we are very close. However, I have hope that she will adjust well. I know my husband and I will put forth a large effort to help her feel include in baby number 2’s life. This may mean handing me a diaper during changes or picking out baby’s clothes.

Will I love my second child as much as my first?

I would like to start off by acknowledging this is probably a ridiculous fear. I know that. However, it is still a very real fear of mine. My love for my daughter is so strong. It’s difficult for me to put into words just how deeply I love her. My husband and I went through an extremely difficult phase where we thought we wouldn’t be able to have children. It wasn’t easy to get pregnant with her. I’ve always called her my miracle baby because for a long time I never thought I would get to have her. My little girl and I are best pals. We may have difficult days, but I truly don’t think I could love her any more if I tried.

I frequently worry how my love for baby number two could possibly be that strong. Is there really room in my heart to love another child as much as I love my daughter? I believe a lot of Olivia and I’s close bond comes from the amount of time we were able to spend together. There were many, many days spent in the recliner just breastfeeding, snuggling, and bonding. However, I know that with two I can’t do that. Of course I will still be able to snuggle and love on baby number two, but not the way I did with Liv. I know people say your heart just grows. You make room in your life and heart for more kids. Under all my fears I know this is true.