My husband and I went through a long and difficult journey to conceive our daughter. This journey was filled with multiple doctors, a surgery, and fertility treatments. I was filled with joy when I finally got that positive pregnancy test I had been so desperately hoping for. However, because of the difficulty I had becoming pregnant that joy was overpowered by fear. Fear that I would lose this precious baby inside of me. Fear of having a miscarriage.
This fear was crippling. It took almost all of my happiness and excitement away. I suffered in silence through my entire first trimester before I decided to take a stand. I was not going to allow this fear to ruin the rest of my pregnancy for me. It simply was not going to happen. So, I decided to change some of my actions and my thoughts to fight off this intense fear of miscarriage. Although the fear never completely went away I was able to push it to the side. I was able to focus on the happy moments and enjoy this beautiful time.
If you are finding yourself filled with the fear of miscarriage during your pregnancy know you are not alone. Every pregnancy is such a wonderful gift that it is naturally terrifying to think of losing that. I want to help you overcome some of the fears you may be having during your pregnancy by sharing how I overcame mine. I hope this can help many women who are struggling right now with the fear of miscarriage. It’s time to put those fears behind us and stand strong. Here are 5 things you can to do help you get there.
Know the facts
All too often fear has a nasty way of misconstruing the truth. It can magnify something to be way larger and more important than it really is. That’s why one of the best things you can do for yourself is to become as educated as possible. For example, miscarriage feels like a very common thing that women go through. Our fears make us feel like it is extremely likely it could happen to us. However, only 15%-20% of recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. This risk drops once you are able to hear a heartbeat for the first time. Then, the risk drops even more significantly after the first trimester. If you are struggling with the fear of loss speak to your OBGYN. They can give you an abundant amount of factual evidence to help ease your worries.
Lean into your faith
Recently I opened up to a women in my church about how intensely I struggled with the fear of miscarriage during my pregnancy. She gave me a very wise piece of advice that I would like to share with all of you. The devil places fear in your heart to purposely take away your joy during pregnancy. This phrase really clicked for me. Remember, God chose you to carry this baby. He knew that there would be no better mother for that child than you. God never gives us anything more than we can handle. So, lean into Him during this time. Give those fears to Him and allow Him to wash them away. Pray everyday for yourself, a healthy pregnancy, and that sweet baby inside of you. Let go and let God.
Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55: 22
Confide in family or friends
One of the best things I did for myself during my pregnancy was to open up to family and close friends. I was so scared of losing my baby that I didn’t want to tell anyone about the pregnancy. However, when I finally did I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I realized that even if I did lose my baby that I wouldn’t want to suffer through that alone. I would need my family by my side during that time.
You may not be as open as I am and that’s okay. However, if you are comfortable sharing the news I highly recommend it. It’s amazing what having a strong support system around you can do. They were able to build me up, comfort me, and keep me focused on the good. I don’t think I would have been able to overcome my fears without my husband, my family, and my friends.
Keep a journal
I’m a huge fan of journaling. It’s amazing what putting your thoughts on paper can do for your soul. If you are struggling with the fear of miscarriage put those fears down on paper. This will help you process the emotions that you are feeling. It will also help you get those fears out of your head. Don’t just limit your journaling to your fears. Use this to process all of your thoughts and emotions during your pregnancy. Trust me, there will be a lot. One day you be thankful you recorded this time of your life. Your journal will be an excellent place for you to refer back to to remember this special time.
Allow yourself to bond
All to often fear causes us to retreat. It’s natural for fear to make you want to avoid bonding with your baby. Many women feel like it will be less painful if loss occurs. However, I recommend doing the exact opposite. You bond with your little baby until your heart is content. Spend your evenings reading to your belly. Go out and buy a sweet outfit to hang in their closet. Allow yourself to daydream about names and nursery decor. I know first hand how terrifying it is to open your heart up to the pain. However, that baby inside of you will be your child whether you have a miscarriage or not. You will always be a mother. So, don’t ever hesitate from opening your heart up to them.